Why I hate Pennies

I throw pennies away. Some people my find that shocking, but really, there's so much to hate. Why in my right mind would I just "flush money down the toilet"? I decided that the thrill I get of aiming for the basket and scoring is worth more than 1/100 of a dollar in entertainment value.

I hate noting more than when someone drops a penny and decides to pick it back up. If I was offered a job where I did nothing but pick up individual pennies off the floor, I would flat out refuse. Suppose the average person takes 5 seconds to see a penny on the floor, crouch drown, pick at it, grasp it, stand back up, and put it in their pocket. Even if I somehow fought off the inevitable backaches, I would only be making $7.20 an hour. Isn't your free time worth more to you than that?

Even the government hates the penny. A raw copper chunk equal in weight to a huge sack of pennies is more valuable than the pennies themselves. That's right. If you melted down 1000 pennies, it would be worth more than $10.00 just as an amorphous chunk. The US Mint would be losing millions and millions of dollars, were they still making pennies out of copper.

So the next time you see an elderly lady or gentleman start to go for that penny on the floor, do them a favor and kick it away from them as quickly as possible. If their frail minds can't wrap themselves around what's going on, and ask why you did that, simply reply, "I know you used to be able to buy four moon pies for a cent, but this is the freakin 21st Century. The penny is just about as significant as your memories of whatever bygone era you were spawned from."

Sorry, I got a little passionate there. Just kick it under wherever.

Bad Names

These are the names, in order, that I will give my children, regardless of sex:

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Pannine.
Jimmifer.
Climpton.
Kinderly.
Barbaduce.
Melvis.
Boster.
Lychney.
Diarehba.
Marritime Betty.

My Deepest Thoughts

Inheritance is its own reward.

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I could never suck a penis.
They remind me too much of bananas.

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Now's a good time for bad things to happen.

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I don't really like big butts. It's just fun to sing along to. I like small butts.

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I was raised Lutheran. There's way too much stereotyping of Catholic priests being child molesters. I just think that Lutheran ministers are really under represented.

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"Scent is the strongest sense tied to memory."
-"I heard that in my psychology class."
"Oh really? I heard it in an Axe commercial."

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